…some days won’t be all roses and I’m actually going to say it out LOUD because…yesterday sucked!
So this week my beautiful Miss turned 15 and she’s one of the loves of our lives, today is her birthday and we are so blessed to have cake family and a little fun!
Yesterday though and the week before sucked because my beautiful teenager has been going trough the transition of learning the law of boundaries and consequences. GOSH.. it’s been painful to watch because just like you as parents I’m super in love with my Girl.
And sadly she made some really crap choices, which lead us through the last 7 days!
So if it’s ok with you let’s have a little unraveling so we are all riding the same wave. Because the truth is I had surf the shit out of this last week!
We had one of those weeks you know what they are like! when your like Maaann really??? Come on here, universe please help me out..I need to take a little breather. Breathe, sista breathe (well that’s what I had to keep saying to myself) because YES a meditation teacher understands the power of staying in the NOW with our breath. I knew this could trigger me and maybe even take me out, like way off track!
Because it’s really not my favorite and I don’t like to admit it but parenting from guilt is the shitest place we can truly drive from… And yep I was taught through my own childhood and yes just in case Mum and Dad are reading this, I want to reassure you that your both amazing parents. And no one actually consciously does this it’s ‘a pattern of behavior’. However guilt parenting actually teachers our children to have NO boundaries and for this, they cannot feel SAFE.
I know, I know sounds really dramatic but hey what’s more dramatic is when our beloved children grow up to be out of control teenagers or young adults! And yes I understand teenagers have their frontal lobe of their brains disconnected and I truly feel for them, that’s WHY I think its almost like they become toddlers again. You know there headstrong and they throw tantrums yelling and testing the boundaries every time we say NO!!!! Bless them I do honestly understand they have a lot going on. Socially, emotionally, mentally and physically! But like a toddler as parents we can’t just leave them to their own devices or they could seriously hurt themselves.
So here’s a little more of the story, I want to help you as parents understand where I’m coming from And congratulations you’ve made it this far!!! Yew, good job! Because u know what? I wish I learnt this along time ago…
So the week was a cracker, you know the ones that test your spirit and make us as parents want to find more! And wowsers was I about to be tested, I had to show my girl she could feel safe. I’m her Mumma lion and I was about to hear my roar.
It was her birthday coming up and you remember how I mentioned she’d made some crap choices right? So I wanted to give her the chance to redeem her behavior as I already banned technology for two months, geeze… YES harsh I know however it truly was the big Kahoona AND she lost her phone which we all know actually feels like death to a Teenager!
So to cut a long story short she was given the grace of having a low key Birthday dinner with her friends on the proviso she lay low and graciously accept her consequences, but YEP she’s a teenager, so it was like HELL NO!
Mummy intuition said hey checks her account and her phone. But wait PARENTS all the devices have codes, which can be changed right? And Oops suddenly she just happened to forget all the codes! Eventually we got to the bottom of it and YEP my baby had lied.
OMG HER BIRTHDAY PARTY had to be cancelled and Daaammmm not one fibre in my body wanted to make that happen!!!!
BUT my mumma intuition knew what my biggest Dolly girl had taught me, that the *minute* your teenager crosses the line, REAM yes I said REAM them in and please DO whatever it was that u said YOU would DO.
Now that’s true LOVE❤
Nobody ever actually told me this…I never ever knew it in my conscious mind. I never knew that by feeling bad and ‘GUILT PARENTING’ or that by giving in I was actually letting my child down! BAM! Ouch, now that hurts.
I guess to be honest I couldn’t handle if I thought I had really upset or offended my child. Because the truth was deep down inside I felt so bad that the girls parents weren’t together anymore for that I overcompensated. The truth was that my guilt was stopping me from parenting and doing my job as their mother. And even if they hated me for some period of time, eventually it will pass.
What I personally learnt myself and by working with parents is to remember that consequences are actually created by the child, not fabricated by the parent. We need to be able to honor their learning and not take away the opportunity for them to grow through a direct REACTION of LIFE. And in my experience when we are either guilt parented or guilt parent our child what can tend to happen is that the child often learns to manipulate people to get what they need or want and is actually taught to have unhealthy boundaries with people.
And yes there was screaming and tears and yelling but eventually there was acceptance and TRUST me when I say.
We met with the eyes of the protective mother Lion. And I felt her Roar…
This week we were juggling like a maniac and negotiating like a boss!
Dance concerts, tantrums, tears, business, birthdays, smiles, screaming and glitter. We made it!
I’ve found my tribe and I’m going to love them even when it’s hard. And to me that’s the true meaning of LOVE ❤
Enjoy the ride, Because You are an amazing parent.
Wishes Katie x
P.s. If your curious and want to know more about what drives our patterns then reach out and we can chat some more.